I'm tired.

my legs are sore, well, to be honest, my entire body is sore.
waidestock was skanktastic.
i had a lovely time. and i got to see friends i havent seen in months. 12 hours away from the house, laughing, hugging, and ohhhh the music. there was the good, the bad, and just really sweaty. it was awesome. big d were great, probably one of the highlights of my night when it came to music. jerk city were great, the matches were good too, i only caught part of emmure's set but they were lovely..
and da mezzanine throwdown was GRANNNDD 'we dont have the bree bree music in switzerland!' cindy's such a magnificent character. ho ho ho.
blahh

im skipping out on the homecoming dance to watch absurdly gory movies in costume saturday :)
so thatll be fun.
and i borrowed a DIY book from sam, lots of ideas im going to take advantage of. there's this amazzzinnnggg clear tote bag project in there that i absolutely adore, so as soon as i get myself to ac moore then im getting on that.


good night lovelies

Iced animal crackers

How i do wish i had some. they represent something amazing, colorful, tasty as fuck and just flawless altogether. but a few bites and its gone. That's like some crappy love metaphor.
But no matter. i really want some right about now. thatd be pretty awesome.
julius caesar is a grand play, might i add. shakespeare never fails to please me. and marlon brando's a hottie. (we got to see part of the film version, it was really grand as well.)



Toodles.
p.s. i put together my final costume. i make a really great bettie page. minus the whip.

Bitch.

For lack of a better term.
I'm okay. We're alright. Gina and i deserve so much better than this.


So we'll be fine.
On another note...

Rilo Kiley's new album is pretty awesome.
and motion city's is just AMAZING.

'broken heart' is pretty easy to identify with.

Night.

I never met a more impossible girl.

It's kind of pathetic. i feel really awkward in school. but i got to meet an indie filmmaker/actor today after school, now that, dear readers, was awesome. his name is D.J. Mendel. get to know the man.
I wish, really bad, that i wasn't in stage crew, and that i was an actor on stage. i know the people who did get the roles were most certainly very deserving; they're all great people... but it sucks that im not one of them. oh well. i probably wouldn't mesh really well in the group anyway. i rarely ever do.
But i am starting to draw. badly, i might add, but its still fun and it gives me something to do when in world history. that class might as well be the biggest waste of time and least fun i'll ever have.
At least this year.
And tomorrow seems like it'll be a good day and night. im hitting up east stroudsburg with andy for halloween costumes. then, we're going to work on some music and watch some movies that night.

Silence of the lambs, clerks, and salvation army FTW.

Rehab.

I cried enough for one day. i decided this after he left and i invited my two best friends over for the night. somehow, i just didn't think i'd survive alone. as melodramatic as that sounds. maybe that was just the broken heart talking. for all i know, it probably was.
we whipped out some good records (and some horrible, as well), put on some vintage frocks, and curled andy's hair. used up about 2 hours of our lives and half a can of hairspray. none of which we regret. i did his makeup, and sam and i picked out a nice red dress for him to slip into.
all while a whitney houston 7-inch from the eighties was spinning on the turntable.
he wanted to kill us. we just wanted to see what a great drag queen he'd make. and a fantastic one he is.
i am so pathetic, i am the only girl in the world whose eyes could possibly well up with tears at 'pay to cum' by bad brains. he ruined some good music for me. at least for the time being.
we danced, we laughed, and each of them listened intently as i spilled my guts, and my heart. im sure it got redundant, but somehow they never give a care. they really love me. you dont know how good that feels.
after andy left, sam and i cuddled up on the couch with a precious moments blanket and popped 'bridget jones' diary' in the dvd player. we scoffed and shouted at the screen at the bad guy. we whined at the heartbreak. we cheered for mark, who ultimately came to love and adore bridget for who she was. the world's population of women in its entirety needs more men like him. samara and i are still trying to find these kinds of boys. (gina is, too. so far, little or no luck at all.)
afterward, samara introduced me to 'hedwig and the angry inch', a fabulous musical about a transsexual german rockstar.
needless to say, she never ceases to amaze me in our friendship.
thanks to both hedwig and sam, i also became acquainted with an old myth:
when the human race was created, people were conjoined in pairs. zeus then split each in two. so, it was believed that that is the reason as to why we are always looking for our other half. its why we love.
'its the origin of love.' isnt that pretty cool? it isn't true, of course, its only alive in mythology. but its such a whimsical concept.
at any rate:
something like 8 brownies, one toaster strudel, one can of organic spaghettios, one can of ravioli, one butterfinger, six or seven sodas, one slice of grape pie with over half a tub of cream on top, some cookies, a piece of bread with a pound of butter on top, about a thousand laughs and one romantic comedy later, both samara and andy are home now, and its up to me to feel okay on my own.

hopefully there's enough comfort food and a good, juicy lifetime movie to keep me from crying tonight.

Petals broke from tips of roses.

Tonight...
i'm going to collage, mayhaps send something to postsecret. that'd be fun. almost exciting. something to consider, i guess.
i'm probably going to cry. i'm going to try to occupy myself. i am not going to bask in naivete.
i'm not going to give up. but i am going to take things for what they are. i just want to stop feeling this fucking crappy.


'i'm filling in the empty spaces where you left your mark.'

Tears dry on their own.

i am too bitter to look on the bright side right now, although i know there's got to be one somewhere. i'm listening to amy winehouse, trying to cheer up. cookies can also help do the trick. i stayed home today because i had a pretty crappy stomach ache this morning, and i guess i needed the rest anyway. i really didn't want to stay home, because i dont want to miss any more school (although i only had one other sick day and that was two days ago..) and i still want to see him tomorrow.
its funny how badly i still want to hold him, although i feel as if he's almost screwing me over. leaving me hanging like this. im trying my best to keep my head up. i translated much of this heartbreak into anger. im trying my best here.
hopefully he'll actually call and we can get some things straight.
i hope he can drive us to nibor's tomorrow so i can get caffeine. a nice fattening drink will do me some good.