Ponder, Wonder, Cry

All I've got to say is i am so unbelievably grateful for the theatre and the drama program at PV. I feel so lucky to be a part of something so beautiful, so wonderful, so fulfilling, my second home.
I made a few mistakes tonight due to my brain relapsing a tad, but it's alright. Those little mishaps and things that i forgot don't matter when you've got so many great individuals there to pick you up when you're temporarily out of order.
Tonight I cried. I hugged my parents and felt the eyes begin to water and those tears were truly aching to fall, but for some reason i didnt want them to see, I'm not sure. It's not as if something was wrong. Its just that drama has done so much for me. When you're not a part of it, the passion is nearly impossible to truly understand. I didn't want my parents to think something was awry. It was anything but. More so it's the hope that things don't go awry when drama comes to a close.
I come out like ive got so much confidence. The truth is, I do love myself. I don't want to change and I never would. But it doesnt change the fact that yes, I do want to be accepted, and no, i don't feel as if i am. The self esteem isn't at a golden level.
But drama makes me feel as if I'm well-liked. I'm so comfortable around these kids, its as if i could wander into a room with Chris' horrific latex mask on, or a beard, or donning a Santa suit thrusting along to James Brown (all of which I have indeed done, im prepared to admit), and i'd still feel alright with myself. There's not one person at drama that isn't a sweetheart.

I feel really grand right about now.
The tears were real. And the more I think about it, the more i wonder, the more i'm coming to the realization that
I don't ever want to come down from this cloud.