How to succeed at life without really trying.

Well, it doesn't work that way. my point is, i'm working as hard as possible to make my audition awesome. i want my individualism to show through, and i know i can do that. i just hope my voice sounds okay---thankfully, my newfound love, hot tea, is good for 'ze chords, and i'll be okay.
i need to work on characterization. i need to give it my all. and have fun while doing so.
i want the role of rosemary---at least that's the lead i've got my eye on---but i'm going to try my very, very, very best not to keep my hopes up, because i dont want to be disappointed if i don't get it. chances are, i won't.
but it means so much to me. it really does... it's not the spotlight, its just that i think i'm okay at what i do, and i'm so passionate about it: theatre is truly a love of mine.
and i want to express that. i want a lead role in "how to succeed in business without really trying."
i think i can...
i'm not sure, but at least i can try, and do my best.
oh, and break as many legs as possible in the process.
and try not to mention the scottish play.

Alright So...

now that drama's over, i need to make the transition from BUSY BUSY BUSY ALWAYS WITH AWESOME DRAMA KIDS to doing absolutely nothing and getting little sleep ANYWAY.
its a tough transition, i really didnt think i would get so close to these great people. i also didn't think that it could possibly go away over the course of one night.
whenever i see these lovelies, we're as excited to see each other as we were when the show was in its production and performance stages.
i am so, so, so happy i did what i did. im happy i joined drama. i feel as if i could do anything! fly, perhaps.

musical auditions are next tuesday, so i'm honing my acting and singing skills so that i could possibly get a good part... i really hope i do. it doesn't have to be a lead (although, i'll admit, it would be nice) but just something... it would be wonderful.
i wonder how demanding mr. lewis' drama is. i suppose we'll see.
nobody's as tough as parsons.

Ponder, Wonder, Cry

All I've got to say is i am so unbelievably grateful for the theatre and the drama program at PV. I feel so lucky to be a part of something so beautiful, so wonderful, so fulfilling, my second home.
I made a few mistakes tonight due to my brain relapsing a tad, but it's alright. Those little mishaps and things that i forgot don't matter when you've got so many great individuals there to pick you up when you're temporarily out of order.
Tonight I cried. I hugged my parents and felt the eyes begin to water and those tears were truly aching to fall, but for some reason i didnt want them to see, I'm not sure. It's not as if something was wrong. Its just that drama has done so much for me. When you're not a part of it, the passion is nearly impossible to truly understand. I didn't want my parents to think something was awry. It was anything but. More so it's the hope that things don't go awry when drama comes to a close.
I come out like ive got so much confidence. The truth is, I do love myself. I don't want to change and I never would. But it doesnt change the fact that yes, I do want to be accepted, and no, i don't feel as if i am. The self esteem isn't at a golden level.
But drama makes me feel as if I'm well-liked. I'm so comfortable around these kids, its as if i could wander into a room with Chris' horrific latex mask on, or a beard, or donning a Santa suit thrusting along to James Brown (all of which I have indeed done, im prepared to admit), and i'd still feel alright with myself. There's not one person at drama that isn't a sweetheart.

I feel really grand right about now.
The tears were real. And the more I think about it, the more i wonder, the more i'm coming to the realization that
I don't ever want to come down from this cloud.

I need high ceilings.

When you're at the high school on a weekend (for drama, in my situation), it's relaxing. tall ceilings with great acoustics, walking the dark hallways and wandering into the chorus and band rooms alone. it's calming. there's this factor of: no worries (unless parsons comes skipping along), and freedom to just be.
i dont know. its nice. its really nice.
this week is going to be so busyyyy.
drama every day, busy busy busy.
but itll all pay off!
:D

I'm tired.

I'm tired, and probably should be snoozing away at this point, but i figured i might as well write a few words before i do that.
i was in a bit of an argumentative mood earlier this evening, its probably because my wisdom teeth surgery made it difficult (physically) to say anything, and i at times have lots to say.
but now, i don't, because i already got it all out with my angry typage.
im hungry but too lazy to travel downstairs for food. and too lazy to eat it, too, because its a chore even attempting such a thing with a swollen, sore mouth.
i'm listening to rilo kiley, thinking that perhaps i should play something a little less loud and upbeat. something like the honorary title would feel pretty nice, because something like iron and wine would probably put me to sleep right about now.
my back hurts from hunching over the goddamn keyboard.
im going to go.
or, at least try to muster up the willpower to just do it.
but im caught up in conversation with my buddy andrew, and i really want to help him out.



ahhhhhh.

Blog in the making?

I have this tendency to start things and give up on them due to excess laziness and such (there are countless websites i've built over my 7th and 8th grade years that have not seen the light of day since then, even though they're floating around cyberspace somewhere or other...) but i'm considering (not seriously considering, mind you, ha) starting a street fashion blog on blogger. it'd b fun. the only thing i'd worry about, besides abandoning it at some point in the near future as i so-often-do, is kids being willing to be photographed in public by complete strangers (i.e. sam and me, not that she has any idea i have come up with this concept to begin with) for a fashion blog.
its not like i have this extensive knowledge of fashion. i know a bit, and i know some of my designers. im interested, in the least, but way more in the personal style of regular people than runway models.
but the point is, not to care!
a fancy label means absolutely nothing.
street fashion is doing whatever the hell you want, and looking unique and fantastic at the very same time.
to publish that on the internet and maybe somebody finding the site and actually kind of enjoying it... that'd be thirty times more awesome than i can say. realistically.
how can i be sure anybody would be interested anyway?
i guess i just go for it.
i'll talk to samara, maybe she'd dig it.
im going to go entertain the idea in my head.
nighty!

Thanksgiving,

In the light of this thanksgiving, and my wisdom teeth surgery (not in that order), i'm feeling alright. my mouth is sore, and i look like a chipmunk in a black wig and a plum colored cardigan.
the surgery went well, i guess, because apparently, the terrible discomfort is completely normal and i've just got to deal with it. and thats okay. its difficult to eat anything that isn't mushy and cold. at least i get tons of ice cream, and popsicles, and soda out of it. sweet deal :D
the surgery process was so strange. i had never had any kind of surgery, so this was a bit of an adventure. an adventure i wouldnt have minded going without, but its a necessary evil, so, yep.
first they put me under the nitrous oxide in order to relax me and put the iv in my arm. i felt so strange, like dreaming, but it was scary, because of how heavy i felt and how defenseless my body became.
then i went under, they pulled the teeth out, and boom, im here, feeling pretty uncomfortable. i just want it to go away already.

thanksgiving was limited, obviously. but it was still nice.

I'm going to rest and ice my cheek so i dont feel totally horrible.