These days.

So lately i've been seeing once whole hearts slip through the cracks a little too much. its that transitory period during youth where we grow apart for whatever reason. sometimes it feels like abandonment. sometimes you don't see it coming, and sometimes, you do. i guess for every friend lost, its a lesson learned; and that's what we've been told, because we're supposed to expect this kind of pain and by default understand it, but i can't quite understand how one could seemingly replace a best friend with a fuck buddy and simply brush it off. it's a lack of understanding. frustration, distress, to no avail; you stop trying to make your point. it's no one's fault. the two parties leave it to neglect. just leave it in the cold: he denies giving it thought, she refuses to speak.
the perpetual cycle that is the midpoint between childhood and 'the real world'. at least that's what they call it. as if life doesn't begin until you hit 25 and have to 'take responsibility' for yourself and give up that freedom, and that sometimes dull, and sometimes sharp pain, that comes with being 16.
we ignore each other. we don't communicate. we cry. we laugh. we think about each other incessantly, hoping that perhaps with each passing wish, things will get easier.
but sometimes only one person will even put the energy into thinking at all.
it's so easy to deny. it takes bravery to save something beautiful. it won't fix itself.
i'll never know how you feel, because i've got a feeling that we'll never grow close enough to talk about it. that phase is over.
"live and learn," while it should be, "live and linger." because that's what loss and pain does.

Anything else but the truth

I'm slightly upset. things feel awry. at least one part of my life does. i heard somewhere that its a constant fact of life that when everything begins to find its rightful place and feel whole again, something else starts falling apart. and it feels like that right now.
i dont know how he lives with just ignoring my existence. i can't ignore him. it breaks my heart to know that he doesn't want to see me.
its inevitable that the feelings we can't control have ruined our friendship.
we used to say that we'd be roommates in college.
we used to say that we'd always be there for each other, as fucking cliche as i know that is.
all that's gone, and i guess i have to accept it. i need to learn.